t o m o r r o w
What does it mean to surrender to change?
Realizing
i can’t turn back.
...I can...
But I’m greeted with darkness
and wandering hands searching
for the light.
Turning to face what’s here,
i veer through the brightness.
hopeful. insightful.
yet sad
for what i leave behind
The harsh reality of realizing we’re all forced to face change in some way. Right now, at the very least, it’s us all finding new ways to live through a pandemic.
For some of us, it means facing the harsh reality of ourselves.
For others, it could mean resistance to facing the harsh reality of ourselves.
Facing my harsh reality feels much more harsh than I should allow it to be. Even with all the affirmations I post around my house, positive songs I listen to, uplifting people I surround myself with — I still lack grace sometimes when I notice another opportunity for growth.
I then remember that it’s a process and not all can be corrected in a day. We’re here to do more than just heal.
It sounds cute to hear the phrase “give yourself grace” and I do my best to give that to myself and others. But I feel like I’m stuck in this continuous loop of needing to fix everything I see wrong with myself at once.
Even as I sit here and type, the shadow of the night causes me to reflect on what no longer serves me to prepare for the light that shines in the morning for what is to come.
I’m currently facing the reality of addressing my impulsiveness, lack of patience, and hyperactivity that have shown up in many spaces in my life.
*ok but we’re not gonna talk about how these things are all essentially the same*
Reminiscing on moments of these actions presenting themselves leaves me regretful, annoyed with myself, and sad.
Release. What does that feel like exactly?
It’s uncomfortable. It’s easy to miss if you’re not ready for the ride it provides.
It’s been helpful for me to address things aloud with people I feel I’m in safe spaces with. This has been a challenge for me in the past which is likely why I kept repeating the things. I love a good security blanket and myself was always good for providing that for me.
A scarcity mindset is what that is.
So, along with the things I said above, I vow to release that shit too.
I think of the Parable of the Sower and Octavia Butler’s need to tell this cautionary tale of where we are headed as a society if we don’t learn to value each other more — to consider the needs of our neighbor rather than merely ourselves.
I think of the scarcity mindset that has many of us saying, “fuck that and fuck my neighbor.” A scarcity mindset also has some of us complacent and satisfied with not addressing the change that needs to happen within ourselves to rid our minds of the need for defense 24/7.
How can we risk vulnerability when the world and our surroundings have proven multiple times why we should simply refrain?
The world is so shitty right now. We’re all facing internal battles. There are literal battles going on all over the world. The poor are becoming poorer. The rich are becoming richer. Everyone around me is hurting in some way.
Collectively we say it’s not our problem to fix, though we’re left with worry of how to soothe our own sorrows.
Collectively, sense of direction points to blindness.
As an individual, i pray to my guides for correction (from blindness), sense of direction (for clarity), and protection as i move through tumultuousness with new vision.
I consider this a useful incantation and offer it to you for your personal use.
Surrendering to change means addressing what no longer exists, or exists and no longer belongs. It means accepting what’s inevitable, and learning to adjust. It means thinking critically of how to move differently to avoid complacency. And through all of these exhausting suggestions, it most importantly means giving yourself — and others grace as we all learn to embrace the change in tomorrow.
“All that you touch,
You Change.
All that you Change,
Changes you.
The only lasting truth,
Is Change.”
— Octavia Butler
What does surrendering to change mean to you?