Something to chew on.

What's accountability?

If you found out someone you were close to was exposed for abusing somebody or somebodies, how would you hold them accountable? Would you feel that's your responsibility to address? If not, who's responsibility would you feel it is if they're not willing to address it themselves? How are we practicing this collectively?

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Recently, a situation happened where an abuser was called out in the organizing community — Paul Jackson. Shortly after that, a letter was posted addressing how he had harmed several people. However, what I thought would be an outpour of support from community + call for accountability, turned into scrutiny. 

Folks, elders especially, have reacted in ways that are lessening the attention to the need to address the abuse, and instead criticizing the delivery of the message. 

The message was a really long, yet well-detailed letter outlining how Jackson imposed abuse on several others. By the end of the letter, there were action steps in which I felt were very fair and well thought of with abolitionist principles in mind.

I thought it displayed how accountability should look as we move away from our dependence on carceral systems and toward creating community safety. However, what is community safety supposed to look like if we can’t even settle our own qualms? 

Yes, we are all human but I’m disappointed in the scrutiny displayed. 

I now feel inclined to have a conversation with everyone I’m close to/work with about this letter and their thoughts. 

I admire my curiosity, especially as a baby organizer here in the city who’s genuinely looking to understand how we’re supposed to truly work together. I hope those I plan to talk to welcome my curiosity from a place of understanding rather than criticism. 

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I did however receive opinions from one person I work with about the situation. Their comments upset me in a surprisingly hurtful way, though. There were opinions given when I asked about the letter, that especially upset me as they took me back to a place of my own trauma. 

The comment included a few things — victims should have tougher skin, things aren’t always gonna be pretty in the organizing world, they’ll always stand by Black men; even as they inflict harm upon others — everything except the acknowledgment of how victims may be feeling about it all. I do however plan to converse with them about their comments based upon the questions listed above. 

In the moment, I did not address them with these thoughts because it was surprising. I needed to process it. My processed thoughts now come a day later on this Sunday evening. 

Now, I was especially upset by these comments because they reminded me of my son’s father. I’ve been in an abusive relationship with him for 3 years now.. 

I endure mental and emotional abuse and honestly, I have to say I’m a bit jealous of those who were brave enough to air their grievances in that letter. At least there’s a large group of people who knows this guy and have the potential power to hold him accountable. 

I have no one I can go to — to expose my abuser to where much would get done about it. 

I’ve expressed this harm to his mother, my child’s paternal grandmother, who in response says much of nothing. However, this isn’t her first encounter of enabling that I’m informed of. 

Even if I were to create an exposé.. how could addressing things happen? I’ve tried suggesting family counseling but of course that didn’t work. There’s very little I feel safe sharing with my family so how could I go to them? Bringing this up to my friends doesn’t go anywhere. What are they supposed to do about it?? 

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What do you truly do about someone who refuses to see their misbehavior in the situation? 

Now, I’m not sure if this guy is completely dismissive of his behavior. I don’t know him personally and I do not want to speak on what I don’t know. I do however wonder how continual pressure from so-called community to question  actions, influence ones need to strive for self-accountability.. 

In a way, I correlate this to how a lot of us organizers see the importance of power and it being held by the people vs institutions. In this case, the institution becomes the abuser and the power needing to be held comes from not only the abused, but those in their community who claim to support victims and stand against acts of violence. 

As you’re reading this, I encourage you to challenge your relationship to patriarchy. In what ways are you upholding it? As we work to create collective power among our people, how are you respecting and supporting victims of abuse as they do this very thing? 

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To know that I am around people who feel as if this abuse displayed was minimal or not serious enough to address in the way it was addressed, worries me. 

I’m honestly turned off from this work and feeling like I do not want to come back to the organizing space until there’s clarity on how we’re better handling conflicts when they arise.  

To know that I know several people mentioned in that letter and to still work alongside those who are not in support of their letter, feels like hypocrisy. It feels like I’d be cheating myself as I ponder upon, who’d stand beside me if I decided to address my abuse (even though I kinda did that here, just not in as much detail). 

Whether I experienced abuse or not though, I’m not understanding why there’s still confusion around supporting victims. 

I sit at this table at damn near 11pm on a Sunday, upset as my child’s father lashed out on me again today. It wasn’t until after that happened that I became triggered by the surprising comments I received about the open letter.

I think about the scrutiny those are facing for their bravery in addressing their abuser. I wonder how I’m supposed to be in community with others when they’ve expressed lack of concern for my safety and the safety of those in which they have worked alongside, and claimed to have been in beloved community with.

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Again, I ask: 

If you found out someone you were close to was exposed for abusing someone or somebodies, how would you hold them accountable? Would you feel that's your responsibility to address? If not, who's responsibility would you feel it is if they're not willing to address it themselves? How are we practicing this collectively?

It’s definitely something to chew on. But, these spaces aren’t meant to be comfortable. How many more generations will we fail to properly address abuse? 

If we all strive to get free, we must also address and embrace the uncomfortable among and within ourselves. 

-Ru